Connecticut
by enthusiasmgirl
Summary: There's a reason that Matt chooses to live his life in Hell's Kitchen, and it isn't just because he loves it so much. Trying to leave proves to be more challenging than he can handle.


Matt listened carefully as the tour guide described the history and architecture of the building in front of him and tried to picture the stone walls and creeping ivy. A shiver went through him as he thought about where he was standing. Yale University. Such a prestigious campus. If only his dad were alive to see him. Matt knew he would be proud. It had taken years of hard work and studying, and Matt was grateful for the inheritance that he had been left, and now finally he was standing on the Yale campus. He was eager to accept the offer of admission he knew he would receive and begin a new life away from the streets of Hell's Kitchen, away from the orphanage, away from the constant reminders of everything he had lost. September couldn't come soon enough as far as he was concerned, but in the meantime he would have to settle for this brief preview of what was to come.

The tour moved on, and Matt brushed away the arm of his assigned assistant as she moved to guide him. "I'm fine, thank you Melinda," he said to her politely. The university had been insistent that he have someone accompany him as he explored the grounds for the week. He'd told them that he was capable of navigating the campus on his own, but apparently there were liability issues that prevented him from saying no to their offer.

So far, things had been going relatively well. It was only the first day, but already he had audited several classes and settled into the unfamiliar surroundings with relative ease.

The group moved to a courtyard and were provided with an opportunity to sit, relax and enjoy the scenery. There were coffee carts nearby and food vendors. Matt settled onto a picnic table bench, leaned his cane next to him and pulled his laptop and braille display out of his bag.

"I'm going to get a coffee," Melinda asked. "Do you want one?"

"I'm fine, thank you," Matt said again. It seemed as though that would be most of his end of the conversation for the week. He didn't need the help, and wanted to make sure that the woman knew it.

He began reviewing the notes he had taken from an earlier lecture. It had been as brilliant as he hoped it would be, and he didn't want to waste any opportunity he had to learn anything he could from the experience he was having. He was so engrossed in it that he didn't sense the skateboarder zooming towards him or the collision course Melinda was on with him. When the skateboarder hit her, she went flying, landing hard on top of Matt, taking his laptop and cane to the ground with her. The coffee she was carrying went everywhere, and Matt leapt up to try to get out of its path. It got on him anyway, ruining his shirt and burning his arm.

"Shit!" said Matt, panicked.

"Sorry," said Melinda, "I'm so sorry. Oh no!"

Matt quickly realized that her exclamation of sorrow wasn't just because she had burned him. As he straightened his glasses, then bent down and reached out to feel for his cane, he couldn't find it, but he did feel the smashed pieces of his laptop and braille display on the ground. She handed him his cane and he realized that she must have fell onto it, because it was in two pieces.

"Oh no," he agreed, settling himself onto the ground in the middle of the disaster.

"Do you want some help?" Melinda asked.

"Yes, please," he said, taking the hand she offered and standing back up.

They headed back to his room so that he could change his shirt, leaving the rest of the tour to continue on. He then had to get Melinda's assistance with looking up local resources to replace the broken cane. He was frustrated to learn that New Haven didn't have a lot of resources for the kind of aids or tools he needed. He wouldn't be able to replace his braille display even if he could get a new laptop, and the cane he would have to get cheaply from the local Walmart.

"I don't have a car but it's just a quick bus ride away," Melinda said as he ran the burn on his arm under tap water from the bathroom, "I'll go with you. It's the least I can do. You can't get around without your cane."

"I guess I don't have a choice," said Matt.

"Oh, wait," Melinda said, looking at the Walmart website. "It's out of stock at the location here. Damn. And Brantford and West Haven too. I guess it's not really a popular item. I could see if I could borrow a friend's car and drive us? The nearest location that has one is about a 45 minute drive away."

"No," said Matt. "You don't have to do that."

"But..." Melinda said.

"No, I'm fine. You can leave. I'm going to stay here the rest of day. I'll see you tomorrow, though?" he asked.

"Sure," said Melinda. "Bright and early."

She left and it was all Matt could do not to sob into the sink. Not only was he now without a way to get around without assistance, but he was also without a way to take notes on any of the lectures, or access computers or the internet if he needed to.

As Matt thought about what to do next, he resolved himself to not surrender to the situation. He would be fine. He'd overcome challenges before, and he'd wanted to go to Yale for as long as he could remember. His father had always wanted him to study hard and end up here. So that's what he would try to do.

His resolve lasted for the next two days. Without his cane, he didn't have a choice but to accept Melinda's help. He couldn't let on about his heightened senses and just start moving around the campus without it. And even if he could, his heightened senses could only do so much for him in a place he was so unfamiliar with. But as time went on, it wore on him. It made him feel ashamed of himself to have to reach out in front of him aimlessly to avoid bumping into the occasional object, or to know that people saw him struggling.

On the third day, Melinda showed up with a cane. She said that once the administration had heard he needed one, they'd done everything in their power to get it for him. They didn't even ask him to pay for it. As kind as it was, Matt hated that more. It meant that the administration paid special attention to him and were looking out for him, which felt like special treatment.

By that point he was absolutely miserable. The entire experience had served as a harsh reminder of the fact that as much as he liked to think he was just as capable of doing things as anyone else, there were certain things that were a challenge for him. What would it be like if he lived here? Without resources nearby, what would happen if he needed something in an emergency? He couldn't drive, and even public transit was sometimes difficult for him. Back in New York, it was easy. Nobody in New York City drove. It was easy to get a cab. And most things he needed were within walking distance no matter how specialized they were.

And, if he was being honest with himself, he was homesick. He missed New York City. It's sounds, it's smells and the way it felt were familiar to him. Having to adjust to a new place was disorienting and exhausting.

On the fourth day, Matt asked Melinda to accompany him to the bus station. He told himself that he wasn't giving up, that he had simply decided that Columbia was a better school and a better choice for him. That adjusting to college life would be hard enough without adding being in a new place to things. It was easier than admitting that the decision had anything to do with the fact that he was blind. That there would always be some doors that other people walked through that would be closed to him, and that he couldn't kick all of them open by sheer force of will. Still, he was disappointed in himself. That feeling never went away.


End file.
